Episode 10
Still Miss Who You Were Before It All Changed? It's Okay If You Do
We all have a “before” – a version of ourselves that existed before the loss, before the diagnosis, before the breakup, before the shift.
And sometimes, we miss that version of ourselves more than we know how to say.
This short reflection is a reminder that it’s okay to feel that longing. Missing who you were before everything changed doesn’t mean you’re broken or not moving forward. It simply means you remember.
You’re allowed to hold love for who you used to be and compassion for who you are now.
Missing your old self is part of honoring the life you’ve lived — and the one you’re still becoming.
Transcript
00:06
Hey, this is It's Okay If, bite-sized permission slips. I'm Matt Gilhooly, and today's permission, it's okay if you still miss who you were before that happened. We all have a before, a version of ourselves from before the thing that changed everything. For me, I can trace it back to a few moments. When I was eight, my mom died in a motorcycle accident, and that was the first big before and after in my life. Before that, I was just a kid.
00:36
And after that, I was different, older, in ways that I didn't choose.
00:43
Later in my mid-30s, I lost my grandmother. She and I were so very close. But that loss was quieter. It carved out its own space inside of me. And then there was my dog, Mikey. He was my dog, but honestly, more like my companion from 28 to 43. When he passed, it reopened parts of me that I truly thought had healed, but another before and after. So yeah.
01:12
Sometimes I miss the versions of me that existed before those moments, before grief reshaped me, before life asked me to carry more than I wanted to. And maybe you have your own before, before the loss, before the diagnosis, before that relationship ended, before the world shifted under your feet. It's okay to miss who you were back then. That doesn't mean you're stuck. It doesn't mean you're not growing. It just means that you're human.
01:40
You can hold love for who you were and compassion for who you are now. So today, if you find yourself longing for a version of you that feels far away, give yourself permission to feel that, to remember them, to miss them, and also to hold space for who you're still becoming. So if you're up for it, tell yourself, I give myself permission to miss who I used to be and to honor who I'm still becoming.
02:11
That's your permission slip, friend. Tuck it in your pocket, and I'll see you next time.
